'Tis the Season

'Tis the season for ice climbing and hanging out with the family. And shopping I guess, I sure do seem to be doing that a lot lately. That and my computer is glitching, is that the computer or the blog's autosave? We'll say it's the autosave. I was thinking about writing a narrative of the ice climbing trip but I'm not really in the mood right now. Suffice it to say that it was a blast as usual and that the mountains are unreal gorgeous in the sunrise. This morning Santa came and gave us presents that were random items from the house that were all wrapped up. I got a pillow from our upstairs couch, my sister got a cup o' noodles, my dad got a cassette tape with the top gun soundtrack on it, my brother got a candle and my mother received a portrait that she had painted of my sister. Good times! I love Santa Claus. Why does Santa have both the name St. Nick and Kris Kringle? Both of those sound like first names. We had a Christmas that was busy of the things Christmas was meant to be busy with: Beatles Rock Band, Board Games, Card Games, Presents, Reading the biblical versions (or just the one in Luke) of the birth of Jesus. I got some super-sweet books, a Frisbee, some swords, an iTunes card, and my dad pulled out the guitar that I received on one of my first Christmas'. I have been carrying the guitar around all day playing it, even though we can't get it to tune right (and I don't know how to play the guitar). I bet that is pretty similar to the first time I received it for Christmas. We also watched a movie called "Freedom Writers" which was a lovely story about a teacher who inspired inner-city kids to live happy lives and expand themselves beyond the ghetto. I loved the movie except it ended happily ever after. Movies like that don't usually end well. Thanks everyone for Christmas whether or not you gave me presents! I probably should have said something about the true meaning of Christmas in this blog. Remember to not be scrooges, to love your families, there is more to life than gang violence, that the Saviour of mankind was born and that the British spellings of words are better than the American; that is the true meaning of Christmas.

Thanksgiving

I'm thankful to have this time of year. I need a day set apart to think about the people important to me and the things for which I am grateful. Thanksgiving gives me that time of reflection for introspection and to see if I need to shift focus. I don't consider myself to be a very thankful person, sometimes it is just hard to feel gratitude. Part of my problem is that I am fairly anti-materialistic so the things I have aren't too important to me. Really what I am thankful for this year, even though it is difficult for me to express, are the people in my life. In the next week or so [because I missed some (a lot) of people today] I am going to make a greater effort to express my thanks to those around me. I lose track of and don't keep in touch with a lot of people that I consider to be my friends. I'm sorry about that, it's really something I need to work on. Maybe I'll use this time to get back in touch. Thanks for being there for me, I hope I can repay you in kind (that's right, get ready for goods, commodities or services rather than money. You should expect a cow.). Also, I hope your thanksgiving has been a wonderful one. Thank you.

Bridges

Yesterday I walked to school and crossed a bridge and while I thinking back in fond memories of that moment I passed a bridge that goes into the second floor of the administration building SUU. That was in fact two occurrences with a bridge in one day. The word Bridge has 26 definitions. As you know it can be used as both a noun and a verb. Many people use the verb version as a way to describe a joining of two sides or a way to span a chasm. With people in our lives we may say that we are building bridges to connect with them. The question I have in mind is if we are bridging a divide what is the perspective of the person in the canyon? If the span seems less far from the top after a bridge is erected does the person under it feel like both sides are closing in? The obvious answer, and the one I will agree with, is no. Isn't it weird that the possibilities that are granted for the person at the top mean nothing for the person under the bridge? What I love about bridges is the security they provide to me, I feel safe under them. On top of the bridge I feel like any range of possibilities could bring me crashing down to the earth but under the bridge I feel like I am protected from the weather or any other object falling from the sky. A bridge is a lot like a roof except roofs usually have walls on each of their sides. Under a roof I feel trapped because to get out I usually have to exit through a door, window or some other opening. Bridges usually have only two sides blocked which leaves just as many sides open (we are going to operate in the typical four side situation). I feel like if I need to get out from under the bridge it would be much easier than if I were inside a building but I still have the additional benefit of having protection from above. That and being under a bridge is much breezier than inside of a house. Isn't it odd that the possibilities that a bridge grants to the person under it aren't even considered by the people going over it? I sure like being under bridges, maybe I should become a troll.

Lucky Laundry

Today was a lucky laundry day. It was particularly lucky because a good person encountered my clothes in the dryer and decided to fold them up and put them in my basket. In fact, he or she did a better job than I would have. Of course my part in the story is that I rudely left my laundry in the dryer for a good 3 or 4 hours more than necessary. I am thankful for the good people that I live by for not stealing my clothes, dumping them on the floor, throwing them outside or doing any of the nasty things that would be expected in this day and age.

Though the laundry story had the most impact on my view of my neighbors today it isn't the only nice thing that they did for me. Last night Alex and I ate dinner and stayed up talking and listening to music pretty late into the night. I almost never hear my neighbor make even the slightest sound so I usually don't worry about him hearing me. I guess I should change that policy because near the end of our evening we started hearing some knocking on the wall every time I would say something (I guess I talk loud). We decided that we were keeping my neighbor up so we turned the music off and finished our conversation in whispers. This morning (it was about noon but for some of us it was still morning) my neighbor came over to give me a note, which I never received because I answered the door and we just spoke face to face. What he said to me was that he was sorry that he was knocking on the wall but it is just a reflex when something wakes him up. He pretty much apologized to me and any time I told him that I was sorry and will try not to do it again he just would become more conciliatory. I really like my neighbor, he seems like a good fellow. I am really glad to have finally met him and that he is such a nice man. I am grateful for the awesome people in my apartment complex and hope that they are having a great night tonight.

I find it odd that sometimes I don't come out as a very likable character in my stories, especially next to the other people. It's kind of like the T.V. show "The Wonder Years" where Kevin (the protagonist) is sometimes a jerk but you like him anyway. What I love about that show is that everyone is that way in real life, we are all jerks sometimes but we just press forward, learn and try better next time. Just like Kevin, I am a flawed hero in the epic which is my life.

Music

I love music which may surprise people because I spent a large portion of my childhood abhorring it. I really didn't like how it could change my feelings and emotions. Now I enjoy how it can augment my feelings and inspire me if I control the music I decide to listen to. I saw a PBS broadcast a while back that said that not only listening to good music (typically classical) is good for the brain but that interacting with it, especially by playing the instrument, "lights up" your brain more than any other activity. I have wanted to get back into playing an instrument for quite some time now but I think I have found the motivation to do so. There is a certain youtube channel that not only has amazing music but the videos are stimulating and the musicians seem to be having the time of their lives. I suggest that you look at more of those videos than just the one that I put a link to. There seems to be magic in the process of creation. I want that in my life. I want to make music. It's time that I sacrifice a little to do so. Maybe this will be my opportunity to help myself live earnestly. Wish me luck!

Who am I?

So, I am in waste time mode because I am tired. Now I have this hooked up to my facebook so if you are reading this from that website then it won't make sense and you need to visit my blog at www.alexintrospections.blogspot.com. Really I just wanted to post something because it has been months. I can't let October sneak up on me without posting a blog. SO, after that long intro this is my point: I will bake cookies for the first person that can guess who is represented as my profile picture (yet again, on facebook that doesn't count because it is a picture of me). Hint: I am related to him. Good Luck!

Independence Day

July 4th 1776 really was not the USA's first day of being Independent or as some would classify it "America's birthday." The United States of America was not officially Independent until September 3rd 1783, with a lot of steps that led up to that point. I believe we celebrate our Independence on the 4th because it was our first major step into becoming an independent and free nation. Really this was the day that a handful of aristocratic intellectuals decided to come down from their positions of prestige and power and plunge into the unknown world of rebellion and treason. They decided to put their lives on the line for philosophical beliefs. This was the moment that they decided that their ideas were too great to remain in their minds but it was time to bring them into being. These men sacrificed their security for their values. This is why on this day we do not celebrate the fact that we are not British; we celebrate the sacrifice of those before us who decided that they would rather be tortured and die than be under unlawful subjugation. This is the day that we should all ask ourselves, "Am I willing to sacrifice everything for what is true and what is right?" "Am I willing to do everything necessary for the betterment of society as a whole rather than sit upon my throne of meaningless monetary accumulation?" This is why we celebrate those who fight for our country on the fourth of July. But these men and women have not fought for our independence and freedom in many years, they are now fighting for the liberty and future sovereignty of the oppressed and enslaved of other nations. On this day it is not our only obligation to be grateful to those who have provided us our liberties and independence but we should turn to those who are currently fighting for their own.

Even though there are many people in this world giving their lives for the freedom of their friends and family there is one country in particular I want to draw attention to. The current political situation in Iran is not much different than ours in 1776. In fact the biggest difference is the fact that their need for freedom and a voice is greater than ours was. It is undeniable that their recent election was fraudulent and that their government no longer listens to the voice of the people. There have been people who have already given their lives for the hope of future independence from tyranny. People are being shot in the streets, terrorized in their homes and abducted by night. The ability for the citizens to communicate with each other and the world is being systematically shut down. Though the protests are slowing down there are still cries from the rooftops, "Allāhu Akbar." This is their pivotal moment in history when they can secure their independence. This is their time to sacrifice everything for the betterment of society and to have a voice in their country. This is when they must choose to die for their future liberties and freedom. Let us not be selfish in our thoughts of independence but use this day to celebrate the lives of all of those people throughout the world who are giving their lives for freedom. I hope that we can share our thoughts and prayers with those who are now fighting the same battle for their people that our forefathers began for ours on July 4th 1776.

Social life

Yesterday was a tiring day. I only worked for five hours yesterday but they were long. I was planning on going to Zion National Park yesterday but my uncle did not call me back to tell me when and where we were meeting so I never went. He actually has still not called me back, which is weird because he was supposed to go home sometime tonight so the hiking trip is probably already over. My mom and brother have been out of town for a month and are coming home tomorrow. My father spent the night last night at a hotel for a dental convention so he was out of town. So here is the summary of last night: I was tired from work, I was waiting for a phone call from my Uncle and my whole immediate family was out of town. This led me to decide to just go out to eat and celebrate last night. I decided to drive on main streets all of the way back from work to see what sounded good. Of course I decided to go to a Wingers in Lehi, which doesn't make a lot of sense because I don't particularly like Wingers and it was in fact the second Wingers that I had passed on my journey. I walked into the restaurant with a bit of a limp (because I am a gangsta') and the hostess lady (much better than Little Debbie) asked me if I was waiting for a group. I of course said that I was alone and I was directed to a table. I ate my food and read a bit of Walden from Henry David Thoreau. I as I ate my mini chicken strip saucy sliders I realized that something was out of place. My waiter would give me weird looks, the couple next to me almost didn't say a word to each other for the whole outing, and I was sitting there by myself eating at a restaurant. So it turns out that restaurants are supposed to be social places. People don't go to sit down restaurants alone very often, if ever. While I was sitting there contemplating this social situation I realized, it was Friday. Friday is considered to be the most social day of the week. It is the most common of date nights, especially in Utah. In fact I believe that is Barack Obama's date night. I sat there in a social location, on the most social day of the week, surrounded by groups of people yet all alone. I didn't really care, I just thought it was odd and I believe that most people around me thought the same thing. I gave my waiter a 50% tip. He wasn't particularly good; I just hope that he realized how much he is loved. I also wrote him a note and left it on the table. I have been thinking about going on a trip for a while now, one in which I am completely alone. I thought about the possibility of going off for a couple of months and exist in a city without friends or social connections and without joining or participating in any organization that would produce such relationships. Then, just document what life is like.

What is life like?

I know you

I know a man like you
so hard and calloused
broken with years of harsh labour
shedding tears but never revealing their meaning

I know a woman like you full of laughter
always happy
sometimes worried
looking into a glass sphere and seeing me inside

I know people like you
a common lot
nothing special
always surrounding me

You can be categorized and labeled
I will know you now
I have known you forever
there are people like you everywhere

But where am I?
Who am I?
I am unknowable
uncategorizable

I am free

Short!

So I used to get this question at least weekly, "Hey, did you know that you are short?" The last time this question was posed to me wasn't that long ago either or from someone who is mentally infirm or too young to know better. I have been short for my whole life, actually believe it or not but I am much taller in comparison to my peers than I could have ever dreamed. I don't actually care though because it's not a very important topic of conversation to me. In fact, I let people tell me how tall I am all of the time. I get asked how tall I am and after I respond that I am about 5'4" and three quarters an argument follows about how tall I really am because obviously I am mistaken. The fact is I haven't measured myself of my own choice in a very long time and I don't remember the results others have gathered from experimentation. So you might be asking yourself, "If he really doesn't put a lot of thought into his height, why is he chatting about it? When will he stop? And that guy is most definitely a liar and a thief." I just ran into this link on a math website (this link is provided for you later in the blog) and I thought it would be ridiculous. I was not disappointed with what I found. Read as much as you want, it has its high and low comedic moments. I like the first two sections. I also recommend reading some of the testimonials. By the way, the only reason that I would grow taller is to please idiots so I think the name fits. Also if you know me really well you probably aren't surprised that I was on a math website but you might be surprised at what level I was trying to learn math. Yep, long division, adding and subtracting large numbers and doing percentages in my head. I have been doing simple math on a calculator for so long that now I don't know how to do it in my head. Actually come to think about it I can at least do about as good at math as the other people my height. Hurrah for my fellow first graders. Before today I could do calculus better than simple 2nd grade math. At this time you may now applaud.

Pointless

Sometimes I think that life is absurd. Thanks Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus. Don't worry though, that hasn't cause me to want to off myself even though I remain unconvinced by their arguments that I shouldn't. Just to show how pointless things can be sometimes I have found a video illustrating it. Does it ever feel to you like when you are trying to get something done the system is just working against you? Or the Universe is working against you? Or that your job is not to accomplish anything but just to work hard for no reason and then it's over? Well if so, then I disagree with you. You are a little too pessimistic. At worst the Universe is indifferent and at best it is actually working for you. That is why you are created so that it is ingrained in you to further your species. Hurrah for genes. Now, go further your species people. See ya!

One Blog in Three Days>>?! Now that's more like it

Hello! While I was driving to work today (it's a long drive, like 30-40 minutes) (well, not long but you know, longer than many commutes but I know there are people who have much longer. It's not like I said it's the longest drive, stop harassing me). So anyway, I will now continue. Today I feel. That is what my drive taught me. It felt like the perfect time of day with the sun shining down on me and my windows down and a cool breeze. The sky was blue and the earth was coated with gold. It felt like sunset even though it was only 8 in the morning and I felt like the world was just beginning. After I got back from work I went on a bike ride with my dad. I didn't want to go but I decided to do it anyway. As we road it felt like a spring morning with the mountains dancing in the background and the lazy river calling me home. Today didn't feel real, it felt special. I don't know why though because nothing too surprising happened. I just felt like it was a dream, the world was too beautiful and my feelings were too enhanced. I laughed until I cried today, I cried because I was sad, my hands and toes tingled for hours on end. Every song I heard today became my new favorite and connected with my soul. Now I feel more tired than I have in ages. I feel like tiredness began when the first trees were just sproutlings. Why do I feel so much? I don't usually feel very much at all. Maybe that's why I really like movies others would consider sad, I want to feel. The problem with today though is I felt so much that it became disassociated with me. It's also kind of scary, it makes me wonder why. What's wrong with me? I am too tired to solve this mystery. If there is a future, while you are there will you solve my mysteries? If there is no future, then all I have left is now. All I have is me, sitting in the dark in my room, remembering a past that no longer exists. Goodnight

Three Blogs, Now that's just Ridiculous!

So I have been thinking about pain and suffering a lot in the last couple of days. Maybe I will share those thoughts with you tomorrow when I am not trying to get to bed. Why do you have to keep interrupting my sleep!! I was going to bed and then I came upon a discovery. I hit my elbow really hard just five minutes ago on the banister and it was my "funny bone" so you know how serious of an injury it really was. Anyway, it hurt a lot and wanted to swear [it would be my first swear word so you know how much it hurt (I really couldn't have come up with one if I wanted to though, no swear words in specific I was just hurting)] and then a thought about pain that I have been going over in theory crossed my mind. It was that maybe pain isn't what it's all cracked up to be and quite possibly it isn't bad. I have been thinking about just embracing pain instead of fighting against it and rejoicing in the pain that I am frequently afflicted with (the afflictions of a nerd). I decided to rejoice in my pain and feel happy that it became a part of me and you know what. It didn't go away, my elbow still hurt but the pain inside me (not the arm but the rest of me) did leave me and it turns out that the elbow wasn't the part that was hurting the most. I was hurting, not my elbow. When I let go of my pain, the elbow pain wasn't that bad. Weird huh? So even if I have pain from external forces, I can choose whether or not to make it part of me and by rejecting it as a part of me I reject the greatest amount of pain. Try it some time and tell me if it works for you or if I am just crazy. If it turns out that I am crazy then that is good for me and bad for you. You don't want to have to become crazy to avoid pain but at least it is a perk that I am willing to exploit in myself. Craziness really can be happiness I guess.

Two blogs, one day?

So I don't know why I haven't blogged in a while and then I decided to do two in one day. You're Welcome! It is just one benefit you receive from being my friend (if you aren't my friend and you are reading my blog, WOW WELCOME I AM SURPRISED!!! You are probably the first not yet friend to touch this blog!). So, I found this band a couple of days called Owl City. I think they are cool and you should check them out! Things are going very well for me. I am getting some work, I am getting lazier and I am taking a break. I can feel that the stress is leaving so I am recovering from a year at school. I have been crazy busy still though. Well, I guess until today when I decided to slow things down. Most people don't know this about me because I spend so much time at the library or in various apartments but I LOVE THE OUTDOORS!!!!! In fact, I am going to go run around outside screaming. I'll be right back!!!! ... ... ... !!! Wow that felt good!!! It probably wasn't a good idea though since I live in a retirement community and I got yelled at by old people. Welcome life! Let's have a ball!!!!! Maybe I will try to surprise all yall sometime. Not on the blog though, in your closets! Watch out!! I'll be there. So, really also I will post some of my papers soon and I would like feedback. They are long and not well revised but I hope they are insightful. Please comment on those even if you don't have anything else to say but that you've read them and they were terribly boring. Hopefully our future together will be amazing! Let's make it so.

Grace is Gone

I just watched the movie, "Grace is Gone." As many have noted before, I like sad movies. If you aren't in a mood to watch a sad movie it probably isn't the right time to be watching this one. This is a good one to watch for Memorial Day weekend though. I didn't pay much attention to Memorial Day until I was an adult because I was never close to where my relatives were buried and my family didn't put much emphasis on thinking about it. The movie is about a man who finds out that his wife died in Iraq and he has to find a way to break it to his children. What I like about movies like this is they don't depress me but in fact help me think about how beautiful life is. This world and living in it is marvelous and it is too easy to forget that. It is easy for me to worry about how poorly things are going or how boring and lame my existence is. Maybe life is absurd, but it is still glorious. Death is scary but so is life at times, maybe I should embrace both. I let myself get in a routine or pattern where life is monotonous and dull. Is that living? Even if I need to do the same things every day does my life need to become pointless? I think not, I hope not. It seems very difficult to sit down and change my attitude and look at life differently but if I can wouldn't it make my life substantially better? I love life when I am living it and it becomes painful when I let it slip by. Living is hard but the rewards are great. Maybe I should re-examine my life and cut out the things that are wasting it. Did you know that the average American watches 5 hours of TV a day? People my age spend a ton of time just playing on the computer doing nothing. I spend a ton of time mindlessly playing minesweeper and always feeling the need to justify it. This Memorial Day I have a challenge for both of us (me and you): Step one, Think about those that have passed on that made a difference and lived life to the fullest. Step Two, Think about how you can make your life more meaningful and what you can cut out of it that is holding you back. Step Three, Go out and make a difference in the world. Step Four, evaluate progress by writing it down and report back to those who have died and promise them that you will remember them and use their lives to change the world partially on their behalf. Good Luck! May this be the the first day of your life.

Summer Blogging, Like Summer lovin'?

The answer to the title of my blog is, probably not. So I decided to revamp my blog and to add to it more frequently. A problem I have is no one really wants to read it and no one really comments or cares. The good thing about that is, I don't care either anymore. I am just going to write and see what comes out. I am going to start posting different papers that I have written and discuss things that I have learned in the past year. There is a lot on my mind that I just need to get out and work over so I can come to better conclusions. If you want to join me in this quest, you are very much welcome. If not then you can just go find something else to do. So I have a couple of thoughts regarding the blog: 1st- Does anyone know how I can reach a bigger audience? 2nd- I found some blog drafts that I never posted and I don't know why and so I am going to post them soon even if they are probably out of context and related to times of last year that don't mean much anymore. 3rd- I am going to post my papers and various thoughts on each thing that I have read over the last year which will be quite the monumental task. Are we ready for it? You know we are. Hold on tight ladies and gentlemen, we are going back to the basics in the blogoshere. Wish me luck!

Happy New Year!

This will be a traditional New Years message, if you aren't acquainted with New Years tradition (like I am) then this may be new for you. 2008 was a long year for me. I had a lot of fun and accomplished a lot (relative only to previous years for me, it's not like I created hover cars and a high capacity battery) but it still feels like an eternity. In fact, it feels like the only real year that I have ever had. It is odd how memory does that to you. I hear that most people make new years resolutions; I have never been much into that but maybe this year will be different. I want this year to be more adventurous, to not waste time but to love life and live it to the fullest. I want to not be afraid. I want to truly accomplish something important. I want to learn as much as possible and to read everything that is assigned to me in my classes and then some. I want to spend more time meditating. I want to spend all of my time to the fullest. I want to see everything that there is to see and feel everything there is to feel. I want to experience a lot of joy and that the amount of sorrow that I feel as well will be deep enough to make the introspective impact needed to build proper character. I know all of this is vague but that seems to be how I operate. If I create enough vagaries then the end game becomes clear and I bring out enough passion to produce that end game. Maybe what I will do is spend a couple of minutes every morning thinking about what I want to accomplish and and the day with evaluating, of course writing every bit down. Maybe I will even report on this blog at the end of the day. It is time stop wasting it and start living it. Good night!