Ok, so I went for a walk today and this is the first of many breakthroughs that I believe I found (jeepers I like to go for walks). Ok, also sorry for the religious content… this is my blog and so you are going to have to suffer through anything that I believe is important whether you think so or not. Nevertheless please read this. Ok, so I was going through some of the regular feelings that I have the first week or so of spending time at my parents house… loneliness, feelings of inadequacy, frustration, a lack of independence, being trapped and that I don’t have anyone that truly understands me (you know, the standard stuff). I am going to talk about the last one. Sometimes it hits me really hard that the people that I would hope understand me the most, in fact seem to not understand what I am doing or thinking at all. I have some friends that I feel embody parts of me, which is why I feel a lot of people are attracted to those that they choose to befriend. You must be able to have something that you share with someone that is a part of you to feel that energetic connection. That being said, even though we have similar traits or characteristic or personality traits, etc… we are all different people so we differ on many other points and have completely different lives, thoughts, beliefs and attitudes outside of each other’s influence. So I was thinking about not having anyone that I feel completely understands me and I decided to ask myself why I have this need and by having this person that understands me, what part of me would that fulfill? I came to the conclusion that I have this need for five reasons.
- The belief (however inaccurate) that no one can truly love that which they don’t fully understand.
- The want to be loved
- However bad this sounds, (and I believe most people have this want whether they admit it or not) the desire for justification for the things I do.
- Forgiveness for all of the errors I commit and stupid things I do to my friends, loved ones, acquaintances and probably even people I don’t know.
- I want someone I can play off of, to help me expand myself, to fully flesh out my crazy ideas, to help me grow, and that together we can build energy and excitement for life.
Ok so due to these five things I came to another conclusion. I think that is too hefty of a criterion to be embodied by one person. In fact, some of it may be done by one person but not all of it, especially since they involve getting into my consciousness. So what I realized is that I am looking for a perfect person for me to spend time with. I guess that means that I am subconsciously trying to replace Jesus Christ in my life. Jesus is the embodiment of all five criterions. Jesus Christ didn’t just die for me but he transcended space and time to feel all things, experience all things and suffer all things. He is the only one that personally knows me and knows exactly what I go through and who I truly am. Even better so than I do. I cannot replace Him for he is the only one that can fulfill all criterions. I believe that my feelings are natural and that maybe God has given us these feelings so that we will turn to him. Of course you could give the counterexample of saying that this is part of the reason that man created the concept of a Messiah but on this Christmas season I will state that I know that Jesus Christ does live and that He is in fact the only one that will ever truly understand any of us and for that He is the embodiment of love. Merry Christmas! (I don’t feel like editing this tonight but I will later, please comment and we will have a conversation about this if you are up for it) Good night!
Sounds like a sound breakthrough to me. Thank you for sharing it.
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