Social life

Yesterday was a tiring day. I only worked for five hours yesterday but they were long. I was planning on going to Zion National Park yesterday but my uncle did not call me back to tell me when and where we were meeting so I never went. He actually has still not called me back, which is weird because he was supposed to go home sometime tonight so the hiking trip is probably already over. My mom and brother have been out of town for a month and are coming home tomorrow. My father spent the night last night at a hotel for a dental convention so he was out of town. So here is the summary of last night: I was tired from work, I was waiting for a phone call from my Uncle and my whole immediate family was out of town. This led me to decide to just go out to eat and celebrate last night. I decided to drive on main streets all of the way back from work to see what sounded good. Of course I decided to go to a Wingers in Lehi, which doesn't make a lot of sense because I don't particularly like Wingers and it was in fact the second Wingers that I had passed on my journey. I walked into the restaurant with a bit of a limp (because I am a gangsta') and the hostess lady (much better than Little Debbie) asked me if I was waiting for a group. I of course said that I was alone and I was directed to a table. I ate my food and read a bit of Walden from Henry David Thoreau. I as I ate my mini chicken strip saucy sliders I realized that something was out of place. My waiter would give me weird looks, the couple next to me almost didn't say a word to each other for the whole outing, and I was sitting there by myself eating at a restaurant. So it turns out that restaurants are supposed to be social places. People don't go to sit down restaurants alone very often, if ever. While I was sitting there contemplating this social situation I realized, it was Friday. Friday is considered to be the most social day of the week. It is the most common of date nights, especially in Utah. In fact I believe that is Barack Obama's date night. I sat there in a social location, on the most social day of the week, surrounded by groups of people yet all alone. I didn't really care, I just thought it was odd and I believe that most people around me thought the same thing. I gave my waiter a 50% tip. He wasn't particularly good; I just hope that he realized how much he is loved. I also wrote him a note and left it on the table. I have been thinking about going on a trip for a while now, one in which I am completely alone. I thought about the possibility of going off for a couple of months and exist in a city without friends or social connections and without joining or participating in any organization that would produce such relationships. Then, just document what life is like.

What is life like?

I know you

I know a man like you
so hard and calloused
broken with years of harsh labour
shedding tears but never revealing their meaning

I know a woman like you full of laughter
always happy
sometimes worried
looking into a glass sphere and seeing me inside

I know people like you
a common lot
nothing special
always surrounding me

You can be categorized and labeled
I will know you now
I have known you forever
there are people like you everywhere

But where am I?
Who am I?
I am unknowable
uncategorizable

I am free

Short!

So I used to get this question at least weekly, "Hey, did you know that you are short?" The last time this question was posed to me wasn't that long ago either or from someone who is mentally infirm or too young to know better. I have been short for my whole life, actually believe it or not but I am much taller in comparison to my peers than I could have ever dreamed. I don't actually care though because it's not a very important topic of conversation to me. In fact, I let people tell me how tall I am all of the time. I get asked how tall I am and after I respond that I am about 5'4" and three quarters an argument follows about how tall I really am because obviously I am mistaken. The fact is I haven't measured myself of my own choice in a very long time and I don't remember the results others have gathered from experimentation. So you might be asking yourself, "If he really doesn't put a lot of thought into his height, why is he chatting about it? When will he stop? And that guy is most definitely a liar and a thief." I just ran into this link on a math website (this link is provided for you later in the blog) and I thought it would be ridiculous. I was not disappointed with what I found. Read as much as you want, it has its high and low comedic moments. I like the first two sections. I also recommend reading some of the testimonials. By the way, the only reason that I would grow taller is to please idiots so I think the name fits. Also if you know me really well you probably aren't surprised that I was on a math website but you might be surprised at what level I was trying to learn math. Yep, long division, adding and subtracting large numbers and doing percentages in my head. I have been doing simple math on a calculator for so long that now I don't know how to do it in my head. Actually come to think about it I can at least do about as good at math as the other people my height. Hurrah for my fellow first graders. Before today I could do calculus better than simple 2nd grade math. At this time you may now applaud.

Pointless

Sometimes I think that life is absurd. Thanks Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus. Don't worry though, that hasn't cause me to want to off myself even though I remain unconvinced by their arguments that I shouldn't. Just to show how pointless things can be sometimes I have found a video illustrating it. Does it ever feel to you like when you are trying to get something done the system is just working against you? Or the Universe is working against you? Or that your job is not to accomplish anything but just to work hard for no reason and then it's over? Well if so, then I disagree with you. You are a little too pessimistic. At worst the Universe is indifferent and at best it is actually working for you. That is why you are created so that it is ingrained in you to further your species. Hurrah for genes. Now, go further your species people. See ya!

One Blog in Three Days>>?! Now that's more like it

Hello! While I was driving to work today (it's a long drive, like 30-40 minutes) (well, not long but you know, longer than many commutes but I know there are people who have much longer. It's not like I said it's the longest drive, stop harassing me). So anyway, I will now continue. Today I feel. That is what my drive taught me. It felt like the perfect time of day with the sun shining down on me and my windows down and a cool breeze. The sky was blue and the earth was coated with gold. It felt like sunset even though it was only 8 in the morning and I felt like the world was just beginning. After I got back from work I went on a bike ride with my dad. I didn't want to go but I decided to do it anyway. As we road it felt like a spring morning with the mountains dancing in the background and the lazy river calling me home. Today didn't feel real, it felt special. I don't know why though because nothing too surprising happened. I just felt like it was a dream, the world was too beautiful and my feelings were too enhanced. I laughed until I cried today, I cried because I was sad, my hands and toes tingled for hours on end. Every song I heard today became my new favorite and connected with my soul. Now I feel more tired than I have in ages. I feel like tiredness began when the first trees were just sproutlings. Why do I feel so much? I don't usually feel very much at all. Maybe that's why I really like movies others would consider sad, I want to feel. The problem with today though is I felt so much that it became disassociated with me. It's also kind of scary, it makes me wonder why. What's wrong with me? I am too tired to solve this mystery. If there is a future, while you are there will you solve my mysteries? If there is no future, then all I have left is now. All I have is me, sitting in the dark in my room, remembering a past that no longer exists. Goodnight

Three Blogs, Now that's just Ridiculous!

So I have been thinking about pain and suffering a lot in the last couple of days. Maybe I will share those thoughts with you tomorrow when I am not trying to get to bed. Why do you have to keep interrupting my sleep!! I was going to bed and then I came upon a discovery. I hit my elbow really hard just five minutes ago on the banister and it was my "funny bone" so you know how serious of an injury it really was. Anyway, it hurt a lot and wanted to swear [it would be my first swear word so you know how much it hurt (I really couldn't have come up with one if I wanted to though, no swear words in specific I was just hurting)] and then a thought about pain that I have been going over in theory crossed my mind. It was that maybe pain isn't what it's all cracked up to be and quite possibly it isn't bad. I have been thinking about just embracing pain instead of fighting against it and rejoicing in the pain that I am frequently afflicted with (the afflictions of a nerd). I decided to rejoice in my pain and feel happy that it became a part of me and you know what. It didn't go away, my elbow still hurt but the pain inside me (not the arm but the rest of me) did leave me and it turns out that the elbow wasn't the part that was hurting the most. I was hurting, not my elbow. When I let go of my pain, the elbow pain wasn't that bad. Weird huh? So even if I have pain from external forces, I can choose whether or not to make it part of me and by rejecting it as a part of me I reject the greatest amount of pain. Try it some time and tell me if it works for you or if I am just crazy. If it turns out that I am crazy then that is good for me and bad for you. You don't want to have to become crazy to avoid pain but at least it is a perk that I am willing to exploit in myself. Craziness really can be happiness I guess.

Two blogs, one day?

So I don't know why I haven't blogged in a while and then I decided to do two in one day. You're Welcome! It is just one benefit you receive from being my friend (if you aren't my friend and you are reading my blog, WOW WELCOME I AM SURPRISED!!! You are probably the first not yet friend to touch this blog!). So, I found this band a couple of days called Owl City. I think they are cool and you should check them out! Things are going very well for me. I am getting some work, I am getting lazier and I am taking a break. I can feel that the stress is leaving so I am recovering from a year at school. I have been crazy busy still though. Well, I guess until today when I decided to slow things down. Most people don't know this about me because I spend so much time at the library or in various apartments but I LOVE THE OUTDOORS!!!!! In fact, I am going to go run around outside screaming. I'll be right back!!!! ... ... ... !!! Wow that felt good!!! It probably wasn't a good idea though since I live in a retirement community and I got yelled at by old people. Welcome life! Let's have a ball!!!!! Maybe I will try to surprise all yall sometime. Not on the blog though, in your closets! Watch out!! I'll be there. So, really also I will post some of my papers soon and I would like feedback. They are long and not well revised but I hope they are insightful. Please comment on those even if you don't have anything else to say but that you've read them and they were terribly boring. Hopefully our future together will be amazing! Let's make it so.