Pointless

Sometimes I think that life is absurd. Thanks Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus. Don't worry though, that hasn't cause me to want to off myself even though I remain unconvinced by their arguments that I shouldn't. Just to show how pointless things can be sometimes I have found a video illustrating it. Does it ever feel to you like when you are trying to get something done the system is just working against you? Or the Universe is working against you? Or that your job is not to accomplish anything but just to work hard for no reason and then it's over? Well if so, then I disagree with you. You are a little too pessimistic. At worst the Universe is indifferent and at best it is actually working for you. That is why you are created so that it is ingrained in you to further your species. Hurrah for genes. Now, go further your species people. See ya!

One Blog in Three Days>>?! Now that's more like it

Hello! While I was driving to work today (it's a long drive, like 30-40 minutes) (well, not long but you know, longer than many commutes but I know there are people who have much longer. It's not like I said it's the longest drive, stop harassing me). So anyway, I will now continue. Today I feel. That is what my drive taught me. It felt like the perfect time of day with the sun shining down on me and my windows down and a cool breeze. The sky was blue and the earth was coated with gold. It felt like sunset even though it was only 8 in the morning and I felt like the world was just beginning. After I got back from work I went on a bike ride with my dad. I didn't want to go but I decided to do it anyway. As we road it felt like a spring morning with the mountains dancing in the background and the lazy river calling me home. Today didn't feel real, it felt special. I don't know why though because nothing too surprising happened. I just felt like it was a dream, the world was too beautiful and my feelings were too enhanced. I laughed until I cried today, I cried because I was sad, my hands and toes tingled for hours on end. Every song I heard today became my new favorite and connected with my soul. Now I feel more tired than I have in ages. I feel like tiredness began when the first trees were just sproutlings. Why do I feel so much? I don't usually feel very much at all. Maybe that's why I really like movies others would consider sad, I want to feel. The problem with today though is I felt so much that it became disassociated with me. It's also kind of scary, it makes me wonder why. What's wrong with me? I am too tired to solve this mystery. If there is a future, while you are there will you solve my mysteries? If there is no future, then all I have left is now. All I have is me, sitting in the dark in my room, remembering a past that no longer exists. Goodnight

Three Blogs, Now that's just Ridiculous!

So I have been thinking about pain and suffering a lot in the last couple of days. Maybe I will share those thoughts with you tomorrow when I am not trying to get to bed. Why do you have to keep interrupting my sleep!! I was going to bed and then I came upon a discovery. I hit my elbow really hard just five minutes ago on the banister and it was my "funny bone" so you know how serious of an injury it really was. Anyway, it hurt a lot and wanted to swear [it would be my first swear word so you know how much it hurt (I really couldn't have come up with one if I wanted to though, no swear words in specific I was just hurting)] and then a thought about pain that I have been going over in theory crossed my mind. It was that maybe pain isn't what it's all cracked up to be and quite possibly it isn't bad. I have been thinking about just embracing pain instead of fighting against it and rejoicing in the pain that I am frequently afflicted with (the afflictions of a nerd). I decided to rejoice in my pain and feel happy that it became a part of me and you know what. It didn't go away, my elbow still hurt but the pain inside me (not the arm but the rest of me) did leave me and it turns out that the elbow wasn't the part that was hurting the most. I was hurting, not my elbow. When I let go of my pain, the elbow pain wasn't that bad. Weird huh? So even if I have pain from external forces, I can choose whether or not to make it part of me and by rejecting it as a part of me I reject the greatest amount of pain. Try it some time and tell me if it works for you or if I am just crazy. If it turns out that I am crazy then that is good for me and bad for you. You don't want to have to become crazy to avoid pain but at least it is a perk that I am willing to exploit in myself. Craziness really can be happiness I guess.

Two blogs, one day?

So I don't know why I haven't blogged in a while and then I decided to do two in one day. You're Welcome! It is just one benefit you receive from being my friend (if you aren't my friend and you are reading my blog, WOW WELCOME I AM SURPRISED!!! You are probably the first not yet friend to touch this blog!). So, I found this band a couple of days called Owl City. I think they are cool and you should check them out! Things are going very well for me. I am getting some work, I am getting lazier and I am taking a break. I can feel that the stress is leaving so I am recovering from a year at school. I have been crazy busy still though. Well, I guess until today when I decided to slow things down. Most people don't know this about me because I spend so much time at the library or in various apartments but I LOVE THE OUTDOORS!!!!! In fact, I am going to go run around outside screaming. I'll be right back!!!! ... ... ... !!! Wow that felt good!!! It probably wasn't a good idea though since I live in a retirement community and I got yelled at by old people. Welcome life! Let's have a ball!!!!! Maybe I will try to surprise all yall sometime. Not on the blog though, in your closets! Watch out!! I'll be there. So, really also I will post some of my papers soon and I would like feedback. They are long and not well revised but I hope they are insightful. Please comment on those even if you don't have anything else to say but that you've read them and they were terribly boring. Hopefully our future together will be amazing! Let's make it so.

Grace is Gone

I just watched the movie, "Grace is Gone." As many have noted before, I like sad movies. If you aren't in a mood to watch a sad movie it probably isn't the right time to be watching this one. This is a good one to watch for Memorial Day weekend though. I didn't pay much attention to Memorial Day until I was an adult because I was never close to where my relatives were buried and my family didn't put much emphasis on thinking about it. The movie is about a man who finds out that his wife died in Iraq and he has to find a way to break it to his children. What I like about movies like this is they don't depress me but in fact help me think about how beautiful life is. This world and living in it is marvelous and it is too easy to forget that. It is easy for me to worry about how poorly things are going or how boring and lame my existence is. Maybe life is absurd, but it is still glorious. Death is scary but so is life at times, maybe I should embrace both. I let myself get in a routine or pattern where life is monotonous and dull. Is that living? Even if I need to do the same things every day does my life need to become pointless? I think not, I hope not. It seems very difficult to sit down and change my attitude and look at life differently but if I can wouldn't it make my life substantially better? I love life when I am living it and it becomes painful when I let it slip by. Living is hard but the rewards are great. Maybe I should re-examine my life and cut out the things that are wasting it. Did you know that the average American watches 5 hours of TV a day? People my age spend a ton of time just playing on the computer doing nothing. I spend a ton of time mindlessly playing minesweeper and always feeling the need to justify it. This Memorial Day I have a challenge for both of us (me and you): Step one, Think about those that have passed on that made a difference and lived life to the fullest. Step Two, Think about how you can make your life more meaningful and what you can cut out of it that is holding you back. Step Three, Go out and make a difference in the world. Step Four, evaluate progress by writing it down and report back to those who have died and promise them that you will remember them and use their lives to change the world partially on their behalf. Good Luck! May this be the the first day of your life.

Summer Blogging, Like Summer lovin'?

The answer to the title of my blog is, probably not. So I decided to revamp my blog and to add to it more frequently. A problem I have is no one really wants to read it and no one really comments or cares. The good thing about that is, I don't care either anymore. I am just going to write and see what comes out. I am going to start posting different papers that I have written and discuss things that I have learned in the past year. There is a lot on my mind that I just need to get out and work over so I can come to better conclusions. If you want to join me in this quest, you are very much welcome. If not then you can just go find something else to do. So I have a couple of thoughts regarding the blog: 1st- Does anyone know how I can reach a bigger audience? 2nd- I found some blog drafts that I never posted and I don't know why and so I am going to post them soon even if they are probably out of context and related to times of last year that don't mean much anymore. 3rd- I am going to post my papers and various thoughts on each thing that I have read over the last year which will be quite the monumental task. Are we ready for it? You know we are. Hold on tight ladies and gentlemen, we are going back to the basics in the blogoshere. Wish me luck!